The Definitive Ranking Of Numbers

Not all numbers were created equal.  I mean, you just can’t pretend a 7 is as good as a 68, for instance.  Everyone knows it’s not true!  So here, for your convenience, is a definitive ranking of numbers.

20.  3

This number is straight up nasty.  No self-respect at all.  Next!

19.  22

If I wanted to see two two, I would go to the ballet.

18.  57

Seriously?  Just… no.

17.  2

Almost too stupid to even mention.

16.  38

Don’t quit your day job!

15.  10

Talk about pretentious…

14.  4

Four?  For?  Fore?  Forget about it!

13.  0

Not the worst, but I’m going to be honest: this number does nothing for me.

12.  1

This one obviously tries too hard, but I appreciate the effort.

11.  90

This number might be seriously overrated, but it’s definitely decent, especially when compared to some others (I’m looking at you, 34).

10.  45

Definitely never my first choice, but it’s always good in a pinch!

9.  71

Yeah baby!  Now we’re talkin.

8.  16

Simple, classy, elegant.  Enough said.

7.  29

No matter who you are, you have to love 29.

6.  6

Always there when you need it, never there when you don’t.

5.  8

All the right curves in all the right places.

4.  88

Two is always better than one!  Unless you’re talking about the numbers, in which case 1 is far superior, just look at this list.

3.  888

Shall we make this a ménage à trois?  (Just as long as no 3 actually slips in there–gross!)

2.  46

In my opinion, this number does not get enough love.  It’s adorable, and definitely deserves its spot as runner-up.

1.  And the best number is… 888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888!

This probably comes as no surprise, as everyone knows this number is simply the best.  To suggest otherwise would frankly be absurd.  Keep up the good work, 888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888!  All other numbers would do well to learn a thing or two from you.