When Oliver Smith, 34, woke to find several itchy bumps on his forearm, he instantly assumed that his apartment had been beset by bed bugs—just another in a long string of people who suspect they have such infestations that has plagued the nation in recent years.
Although he had no real evidence to substantiate his claims, the Bay Area native nevertheless began to immediately tell everyone he came in contact with about his misfortune.
“Yeah, I saw that dude’s arm,” said coworker Chris MacDonald. “It’s definitely mosquito bites. Doesn’t he live by a creek or something?”
Smith, who is not a doctor or insect specialist, nonetheless felt he had the authority to declare with confidence that he was dealing with a large-scale infestation.
“I’ve already left a message for my landlord, so hopefully we can get everything fumigated within the week,” he said.
Although fumigation is not necessary as the building is not actually overrun with small blood-sucking parasites, Smith reported he felt a bit better already after believing that his imaginary problem would be taken care of.
This bed bug infestation is just the latest in a series of high-profile problems the paralegal has concluded he suffers from. In the past, Smith is positive he has experienced symptoms associated with Swine Flu, Bird Flu, West Nile Virus, and SARS.
Family and friends wish Oliver a speedy recovery from his mosquito bites and say they hope that he will stop sensationalizing his small ailments in the future.